Monday, February 18, 2008

Instructions for taking 5 kids to the grocery store

1. Circle the parking lot looking for a car cart. Find a car cart. Do not enter the store without a car cart.
2. Start in the produce section. Give every kid an apple to eat. Trust me, the produce manager would rather your kid be eating an apple than screaming.
3. Work quickly. Get only the necessities. Your car cart cannot hold enough food for a real grocery trip.

4. Make the kids take turns riding in the car cart. It is a definite flaw that only two kids can drive the car.
5. Keep calling back to Max who is not paying attention as he is reading a book.
6. Help the kids find a garbage for their apple cores.
7. At the deli counter give every kid a cheese sample. Even if there are no cheese samples out, if you have enough kids either crying, whining or screaming, the deli will jump at the chance to give said kids a piece of cheese.
8. TRY and keep the 3 year old away from the glass jars of tomato sauce.
9. In the bakery, give each child one of the free cookies. If they are out of cookies, ask. There are always free cookies somewhere. Now all of your kids have had essentially, lunch. If it is actually lunch time, I find the cracker snackers are a great thing for sharing while Mommy tries to shop.
10. At the checkout it is inevitable that every kid will get out of the car cart and become fascinated with the vending machines, the bank ATM or the candy in the check-out lane. Try to leave with as few packages of opened candy as possible.
11. Pack the bags as quickly as possible and bark at all of the kids to hold onto the cart as you go out to the parking lot.

12. Tell all of the kids to get into the car while you load the groceries. Vow never to come to the store with kids again. Realize you will have kids with you every time you come to the store for many years to come. Weep.

No comments:

Post a Comment