It took a good friend to remind me that I have a child that is overwhelmed and incredibly anxious about this move and really still broken from the upheaval in his young life these last few years. After a bad mommy moment last night, I stepped outside and talked to my friend who put it all in perspective.
It does not really matter in the long term how Max is doing in fifth grade. He is not going to be held back; they are still going to let him go to sixth grade. I still have three years to teach him the skills he needs to be successful in school. It is not really until High School that his grades will impact his future. So, I need to step back, call this year a wash and think of this move and sixth grade as a brand new start for both of us. Max does not need any more pressure or stress on him right now. Hopefully this move and a new job will allow me to slow down, work fewer hours (anything less than 55/week plus an hour or two cleaning a day is going to feel like vacation) and spend more one on one time with Max this fall.
Max is so stressed that he is not sleeping (even more so than usual) and his worries about whether I will find a job and if we will be able to make it financially in Oregon are something no eleven year old boy should have to shoulder. He just needs support and love (and some serious counseling once we are settled and have good insurance) during this move - not his mother getting upset by a failed test. Ironically, he failed his test, but brought home his MAP Math test scores which were off the charts. Sigh. How do I help him apply that brain to the classroom?!
Thank you Susan, for your words of wisdom (and for the chocolate and packing help too)!
Bad mommy moments are the worst.
We all have them. Hang in there.
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